Warning: This article contains images of unnaturally low body weight achieved by unhealthy means that may be triggering for some.*
“I can’t. I’m on a juice-cleanse. I just need to lose X pounds.”
I swear to God if there’s one thing that will make me willingly leave this city, it’s hearing another group of brilliant, inspiring women talk about their “need” to reach some arbitrary goal weight they’ve determined will be the impetus to their elusive self-acceptance. (READ MORE)
In my mission to help women follow their dreams, I interviewed Wendy Sachs, Author of Fearless and Free: How Smart Women Pivot–And Relaunch Their Careers. Revealing confidently she’s been fired more than once, Sachs dubs herself the “master of the career pivot:” She’s an Emmy-award winning TV news producer who’s worked at Dateline, NBC, Fox, and CNN; yet she’s also held titles of Capitol Hill press secretary, public relations executive, media and content strategist, CNN contributor, and editor-in-chief (READ MORE).
We were inseparable, dramatic romantics, and within a few months of our first kiss, everything I did was with this boy in mind. I was constantly coming up with new little ways to show him how much I loved him, I would try to guess what he wanted and needed before he asked for it, and I thought of him and his desires day and night (READ MORE).
Remember how last year you made that resolution to give up carbs? Volunteer at the local shelter? Put away $500 from every paycheck? Stop judging people? Right. How are those working for you?
For 2016, rather than placing unrealistic expectations on yourself — and saying “fuck it” on January 15th, subsequently dropping close to $1K on a new TV that you use to pass judgment on the stars of Vanderpump Ruleswhile you inhale stuffed-crust pizza — try making these achievable changes that might actually last until February. And if attempting them all feels too overwhelming, go for one to start (READ MORE)
I was interviewed alongside some other badass experts on how to survive the holidays when recovering from an ED. Check it.
The Holidays are often said to be the most wonderful time of year. For many, it is a time to see loved ones, eat delicious food and celebrate the New Year. But for the 30 million Americans struggling with eating disorders, this time of year can be stressful and overwhelming.
For those in recovery from Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder, Bulimia or other eating disorders– it is anything but easy. Whether someone is a year into stable recovery or 10 years into his or her process of healing, there are many components that can still make the holidays an ultimate challenge (READ MORE).
We all carry a past around with us. Like passport stamps of places seen and adventures had, whether those adventures were full of joy or tinted with sadness, the past is with us always, little marks there to remind us of what came before now.
The past shapes how we think and who we are: how we see the world, how we choose to react to events, how we function in relationships and the decisions we make from moment to moment. The past is our framework, our series of examples from which to draw conclusions, and a way in which we continue to survive, continuing to follow paths that previously brought us joy and avoiding those which brought pain READ MORE).
Listen in to hear the details of that experience, plus a time a a psychiatrist blamed a client’s suicide attempt on my appearance, and more. It’s relatively short in comparison to my usual diatribes, but make sure you don’t turn it off before my “call to action” after Marcia asks me where people can find me! It’s a simple yet powerful shift we can all make in our daily lives.
I was interviewed for Never Liked It Anyway‘s Woman Crush Wednesday. Check out the best and worst gifts I ever got, my go-to pick-me-up, and my advice for all things love, sex, and dating :):
This week’s Woman Crush Wednesday is the one and only Megan Bruneau – aka the incredible talent behind One Shrink’s Perspective. Megan is so real, raw and honest that you notice it through her writing, and within the first five seconds of meeting. We met recently at a panel hosted by Forbes for women, and within an instant I was struck by her smarts, sass and direct manner. It’s an inspiration and naturally brings out a level of conversation that’s all too rare these days. Megan is an expert in all things love, breakups and moving on; and approaches it all with refreshing candor and energy. Here’s what she had to say about all things love, sex and dating.
What’s the best gift you ever got?
An ex gave me a necklace that means “Follow your dreams,” even though he knew me “following my dreams” likely meant we weren’t going to stay together. It was heartbreaking and deeply motivating at the same time. Since then, I moved to New York to follow my dreams, and we broke up. I wore it every day for two years. I’ve since swapped it out for a different piece of jewelry with different meaning, but it still sits on my desk and reminds me why I’m here every day (READ MORE).
John and guest Megan Bruneau talk healthy relationships, being open, the dangers of closing yourself off, how to commit, when the right time is to leave a relationship, figuring out what you want, surviving breakups and how to get to know yourself.
My dad was a criminal lawyer for 43 years. He spent Monday through Friday between court and the office, escaping every Friday in summer to the lake, and every Friday in winter to the mountain. This highly privileged life (by most accounts) is traditionally appealing, but I feel panicked at the thought of replicating it.
The bust-your-ass-for-five, enjoy-life-for-two routine served my dad for those 43 years, as a similar version may have served your parents. Still heavily influenced by their parents’ trauma from the Great Depression and WWII, our parents sought the safety and security that accompanies a respectable profession such as law (READ MORE).
In this episode we discuss why the “happiness” movement has done us a disservice and sometimes makes things worse, how perfectionism creates an illusion of control and distorts your reality, how to become aware of the critical inner voice at the root of your pain and unhealthy habits, the incredible power of self compassion, and much more with Megan Bruneau.
Megan Bruneau is a psychotherapist, wellness coach, writer, podcast host and creator of oneshrinksperspective.com After years of perfectionism-fueled depression, anxiety, and eating disorders, she discovered how to like herself, take risks, and find success without beating herself up to get there.
Why Megan advocates a holistic approach to mental health
Why the “happiness” movement has done us a disservice and sometimes makes things worse
How to become aware of the critical inner voice at the roof of your pain and unhealthy habits
What your “secondary emotions” are and why its so important to pay close attention to them
How you internalize self judgement from your childhood experiences
You can have expectations about mood not just performance and that can create suffering
The importance of giving yourself permission to feel feelings even when they are uncomfortable
What your physiological symptoms look like when you experience a fight or flight response
How to build tolerance and grow your “emotional muscle”
The tools you can use (with a concrete example) to stop a downward spiral of anxiety
Things you might do that actually make a negative emotional response worse
The importance of making space for difficult feelings ( through mindfulness )
How to have deep self compassion and treat yourself with kindness
What exactly to say to yourself when you’re dealing with difficult emotions
Why you should treat yourself like a dear friend who is suffering
How the “self esteem” movement screwed you up and created many of your emotional challenges
What happens when your self worth is dependent on being better than other people
How Megan defines perfectionism (and why you might be a perfectionist without even realizing it)
The critical importance of self compassion and how you can practice it
The importance of understanding the concept of “common humanity”
We define mindfulness and its core components, and discuss how to practice it
Why painful feelings don’t make you broken, but are a natural part of the human experience
The huge downsides of having your self worth tied to your achievements
Why your fear of difficult and uncomfortable emotions is the roof of your suffering
The exact internal dialogue you should use if you constantly put too much pressure on yourself
The massive danger of “globalizing” negative experiences
Why giving up high expectations actually enhances your performance
Why you should change for your focus from being productive to focusing on what’s meaningful
How you can “become friends” with difficult emotions
And MUCH more!
If you are frustrated, suffering, or struggling with uncomfortable emotions, listen to this episode!
After my last breakup, dating again was a clumsy and painful process.
I fumbled my way back into the scene by downloading (then deleting, then re-downloading, then re-deleting) the essential apps. I shamelessly hit on the hot ref in my soccer league. I lobbed out a few “how ya been?” texts to old hookups. And for the next six months I found myself attracted to men who lived on other continents, struggled with depression, had girlfriends or wives, or were workaholics or misogynistic jerks (READ MORE).
I recently broke things off with a guy because I felt too vulnerable. I hadn’t experienced “those kind” of feelings for someone in ages, and it left me paralyzingly uncomfortable. Now look, a shit-ton of anxiety is a natural symptom of falling for someone, and feeling vulnerable in relationships is necessary; however this felt extreme. I tried to sit with the discomfort and “be cool,” chalking my distrust up to past betrayals or attachment issues. But something wasn’t right. My spidey-sense kept going OFF, so I honored my intuition and called it quits (READ MORE).
For many women — especially those who have bumped into a glass ceiling or two — the possibility of electing America’s first female president fueled their dreams and drive for a more equal workplace and world for women. But for these women, what began as a hope and excitement-filled Tuesday quickly transformed into emotions including heartbreak, disbelief, confusion, and anger.
And as the shock wears off, so many of us wonder, ”What now?” How do we maintain heart and continue the fight when all that was shattered was hope? How do we cope with anxiety surrounding the future? (READ MORE)
It’s Sunday morning and I’m at City Bakery listening to Piano Ballads on Spotify. It’s unusually quiet here in contrast to the typical Manhattanite brunch-rush. There’s a trio of neon yoga gear-clad women sharing a confectioner’s sugar-dusted muffin in the corner, and one other MacBook-sheltered freelancer who’s been texting for the past nine minutes. I wonder if he knows about iMessage for his computer.
For a long time, I dreaded Sunday mornings as a single person (READ MORE)
The Native Society interviewed me on my most challenging moment, biggest success, role model, and more! Follow the link below to read the full interview!
What do you do best?
Find the positive in a difficult or unwanted situation. Or, as some might call it, “rationalize” (haha). I read Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl when I was 22, and it changed my life. A quote that really stuck with me was: “Even the most negative aspects of human existence such as guilt, suffering, and death can be viewed positively, given the right attitude.” This is not to say that we shouldn’t have compassion for ourselves during challenging times, but trusting that we’ll find meaning in that suffering is essential to resilience. I live by the philosophy that life is our teacher and there’s a lesson in every disappointment and challenge.
I chatted with my gal, Terri Cole, about what perfectionism is and how to recover on the Hello Freedom podcast. Check it out!
When we think of perfectionists, an image of super overachievers bravely changing the world with risky new ideas or inventions might come to mind, but for the true perfectionists this description is inaccurate. Perfectionists tend to pursue goals that they KNOW for sure they can accomplish so the risk is minimal, even if the workload is insane (READ MORE).
1. Change is inevitable and uncomfortable, and you’ll survive it. We go to great lengths to avoid change or to ensure we’re totally prepared for it, but you can never totally prepare. Change/transition is inevitable and uncomfortable, and we can choose to view it as liberating or devastating. Humans are adaptive and I promise as long as you survive, you’ll survive.
2. You can’t just “choose” happy during shitty times.Moments and periods of difficult feelings are likely there for a reason–to tell you something. And contrary to what the happiness industry wants you to think, they don’t go away by “choosing” happy. Instead, give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling, turn inward to the emotions, and figure out what they’re trying to tell you.